I’ve had my disasters
yes, I’ve had my wrecks
in front of rooms full of women
all giggling about sex
but I kept the facade up
and I said my lines
cause somewhere in my soul
lurks the most heinous crime

I’ve buttoned my collar
and tightened my tie
all to go and chat with people
who do nothing but lie
I don’t know why I'm complaining
these are the best of times
cause somewhere in my soul
lurks the most heinous crime

my heinous crime, my heinous crime
my heinous crime, my heinous crime

I shower each morning
from nine until ten
letting the hot water
rush over me again and again
and I sing in the shower
my voice it does grate
cause my heinous crime
doesn’t seem to want to wait

And I lather my face up
with thick, white shaving cream
staring into a mirror
that’s all fogged up with steam
but in my opaque reflection
my eyes glint with hate
cause my heinous crime
doesn’t seem to want to wait

my heinous crime
doesn’t seem to want to wait
doesn’t seem to want to wait
my heinous crime