53
Happy Cancer
They’re lining up, around the block
to gloat that its you and not them
perhaps you should have practiced some attitudes
outside condescension

They’ve split their sides, they’re on their knees
not in silent prayer but in laughter
as they recount all the details of the disaster
that will soon finish you off

A well lives life may very well be it’s own reward
but your sacrifice is just a vessel and they’ll get on board
and you could have been nicer or more tactful
or at least polite
but you considered all that shit too trite

The cat scan says it’s over soon
according to medical science
you’ve been condemned by an appliance
still being paid off by the hospital

With the days left, you want to live
like you’ve never lived before
you’ve been so meager now you want so much more
like someone to care when you’re gone

You’ve given up on going out, you’ve given up on staying in
but still you want to give this life one tragic last
demented spin
so let them laugh and let them smirk
when they’re dead all it means is their relatives won’t work

So you meet a girl, she looks eighteen
but says she’s twenty one
you’re almost over and she’s barely begun
you think she might feel sorry for you

You get her drunk, you buy her things
hoping you still look good for your age
just maybe brain cancer is all the rage
with the up and coming scenesters of today

A well lived life may very well be it’s own reward
but your demise is just a vessel lets all get on board
and you could have been nicer, or more tactful
or at least polite
but you considered all that shit too trite

After a while, maybe a month,
she’s no longer returning your calls
you should be grateful but instead you’re appalled
how attached you’d grown to her touch

You choke it down, you carry on
one last party before your demise
inside you’re trying on coffins for size
and wondering when the e will kick in

You’ve given up on having fun, you’ve given up
on wasting away
but still you want to show them up, to leave them all with something to say
the world will be shocked by the last line of your obit
in your megalomania you think they really give a shit

When the end comes, you’re still at home
not a hospital for miles
you get dressed up, you want to go out in style
trying not to think about the pain

With your last breath, you don’t say much
just stare at the ceiling and sigh
you don’t curse god and you don’t ask why
it saves time being an atheist

And then you’re gone, they carry on
even feel bad about all they’ve said
they’re much kinder now that you’re dead
and kindness is it’s own reward
Guitar and Voice: Jacob Wren
Recording: Radwan Ghazi Moumneh (hotel2tango)